How to Help Teens Shelter in Place

Teens are not made for isolation. Here’s how to help your teenager see the bigger picture during COVID-19.

Parents everywhere are struggling to get their teenagers and college students to “shelter-in-place.” Teens are not made for isolation, which makes COVID-19 especially hard on them—and it makes them difficult to control.

One of my friends is coming unglued. “My kids keep skating around rules and being with friends every time I close my office door to work.” She has two college students home and a big corporate job she’s got to keep doing. She’s trying to care for elderly in-laws, and her daughter needs medication that she’s having trouble securing. “I feel like I should be able to control them. I’m trying. But my anxiety is so heavy. I’m emotionally exhausted.”

Social isolation is hard for humans of all ages. But because teenagers and young adults are more attuned to social status than the rest of us, it is even more profoundly distressing for them.

In addition, their hard-wired attunement to social status makes them super touchy about whether or not they are being treated like children. This means that they feel infantilized when ordered to shelter-in-place.

What can we do to encourage teens to comply with social-distancing measures?

We need to work with their existing motivations. Teens are unlikely to be persuaded by (brilliant! logical! passionate!) arguments that conflict with their innate, developmental motives.

Start with their motivation to get out from under our control

We can work with this existing motivation by treating them like competent young adults rather than little kids. For example, we can:

• Expect them to contribute to our household in meaningful ways. They can help with meal prep and household cleaning. Our kids assist with the cleaning by vacuuming and wiping down the counters. Keeping conflict low amid tight quarters is a meaningful contribution. Planning fun activities for the family to do together might be the most essential contribution of all!
• Allow them to manage themselves, their own schoolwork, and their other responsibilities without nagging or cajoling. This does not mean that we won’t be engaged with them. It does mean that we give them space to operate freely within the limits we agree to as a family.
• Ask them to help us with our work to the extent that they can. “My kids keep interrupting me on Zoom calls for stupid shit,” a friend texted me, frustrated to the brink. Even older teens (and spouses!) need us to be clear about how their constant interruptions affect us. Explain rather than accuse: “I feel embarrassed and stressed when I’m on a video call, and you keep poking your head in to ask questions,” rather than “It is inconsiderate and selfish of you to keep interrupting my meetings.”
• Use non-controlling, non-directive language. For example, ask questions instead of telling them what to do. My all-time favorite question is “What’s your plan?” As in: “What’s your plan for getting some exercise today?” This makes it clear that they are still in control of their own behavior, and it helps put them in touch with their own motivations and intentions.
• Acknowledge that all of this is so hard. Many students coming home from school are experiencing significant losses right now. Their feelings of grief, anxiety, stress, and isolation are hard to cope with. And also: One of the great lessons of adulthood is that they can do hard things.

Tap into their attunement to the social world

We can also tap into their high attunement to the social world by emphasizing how their lives have a purpose, meaning, and impact on other people. Here are some talking points:

• You are not a passive actor here, along for the ride. Your actions are directly affecting the course of this crisis. We are wondering: What do you genuinely care most about in this crisis?
• Who can you help, and who are you concerned that you might harm? How can you use your skills to help the world right now?
• Your grandchildren are going to ask you about the role you played during this pandemic. What will you tell them?

Above all, help them see that this situation is not about what they want or expect from life. It’s about what life is expecting from them right now. We expect them to rise to the occasion; to be a part of the solution, not a part of the problem.

There are incredible, urgent life lessons here. We are teaching our kids both directly and through our own example how to take responsibility—not just for ourselves and our immediate family, but for our local and global community, as well.
We are all being called to demonstrate our character and commitment to others and to the greater good. Our young people are being called, too. Let’s allow them to step up.

Parenting During Coronavirus: You Are Enough

See the original article here: https://www.pbs.org/parents/thrive/parenting-during-coronavirus-you-are-enough

When I called a friend to tell her how I was failing at enrichment activities for the kids recently — there’s been lots of screen time and maybe some stress eating — she interrupted me and said: You are enough.

I’m grateful for all the guidance on daily learning schedules, at-home science experiments, parent-led learning activities and online tours of the world’s museums. I love all those resources, really. But if I’m honest, they are also seriously stressing me out.

The expectations for being “perfect” during quarantine can add up. The best thing we can do right now is give ourselves what our friends offer us so willingly — the reminder that we are enough. That means you’re allowed to go a full day without a STEM experiment. You get to skip sentences while reading (super long) children’s books. You can hide the finger paint or tell your child that it dried up.

Young Children at Home during the COVID-19 Outbreak: The…

Self-care is not selfish or indulgent—it’s how we keep ourselves well to ensure we are physically, emotionally, and mentally capable of being there for our young children.

Parenting a young child is already stressful at times. That’s why it’s important to remember to take care of yourself, too. When you feel calmer, it’s easier to be there for your children and meet their needs.

The Case for Self-Care During the COVID-19 Outbreak

Most everyone has heard the flight attendant tell them to put their own oxygen mask on before helping others. The same goes for parenting—your health and well-being is important so that you can nurture your child. Self-care is not selfish or indulgent—it’s how we keep ourselves well to ensure we are physically, emotionally, and mentally capable of being there for our young children.

The realities of COVID-19 make self-care even more important. The unknowns of what’s coming next can worry even the calmest of parents. If faced with long periods of uncertainty, other stressors may emerge—concern for family members, worries about lost income, keeping the fridge full of groceries, balancing job roles with child care, and more. But young children need their parents to offer a calm, stable, and predictable “home base” for them. It’s a challenge, but as a parent, the best way to help your child be at their best is to take care of yourself.

Pay Attention to How You Are Feeling

Anxiety, worry, and grief are normal responses during and after an event like coronavirus. You may feel overwhelmed by ordinary tasks or annoyed in situations when you’d usually be patient.

• Take time to notice your feelings and pause and reflect before responding to your child or co-parent. When you need to get calmer, try taking a few deep breaths to clear your head. Or you might try a mindfulness activity to restore your sense of calm.
• Consider limiting your exposure to the news. You might choose to watch a daily update from a trusted public health official or check in online at predetermined times when your child is not in the room.
• Think about reaching out to a healthcare professional for help with physical or mental health concerns. Many healthcare providers have moved to telemedicine during the pandemic—offering appointments online or by phone.

Read more tips in the full article here: https://www.zerotothree.org/resources/3262-young-children-at-home-during-the-covid-19-outbreak-the-importance-of-self-care

How Soap KILLS the Coronavirus

This article is so awesome. Here’s a quick excerpt, but be sure to check out the full info by clicking here.

“…when you wash your hands with soap and water, you’re not just wiping viruses off your hands and sending them down the drain. You’re actually annihilating the viruses, rendering them harmless. Soap “is almost like a demolition team breaking down a building and taking all the bricks away,” says Palli Thordarson, a chemistry professor at the University of New South Wales, who posted a viral Twitter thread on the wonders of soap.

In a recent phone call, he explained why soap is such an effective Covid-19 killer and why it’s so important to soap your hands for at least 20 seconds.

The soap takes care of the virus much like it takes care of the oil in the water. “It’s almost like a crowbar; it starts to pull all the things apart,” Thordarson says.

One side of the soap molecule (the one that’s attracted to fat and repelled by water) buries its way into the virus’s fat and protein shell. Fortunately, the chemical bonds holding the virus together aren’t very strong, so this intrusion is enough to break the virus’s coat. “You pull the virus apart, you make it soluble in water, and it disintegrates,” he says.

Then the harmless shards of virus get flushed down the drain. And even if it the soap doesn’t destroy every virus, you’ll still rid them from your hands with soap and water, as well as any grease or dirt they may be clinging to. Soap will also wash away bacteria and other viruses that may be a bit tougher than coronavirus, and harder to disintegrate.

The trick is this all takes a little time to happen, and that’s why you need to take at least 20 seconds to wash your hands.”

(Read on)

Ways To Support Yourself During Social Distancing, Quarantine, and…

Helpful info from the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration.
View the full resource here.

Understand the Risk

Consider the real risk of harm to yourself and others around you. The public perception of risk during a situation such as an infectious disease outbreak is often inaccurate. Media coverage may create the impression that people are in immediate danger when really the risk for infection may be very low. Take steps to get the facts:

• Stay up to date on what is happening, while limiting your media exposure. Avoid watching or listening to news reports 24/7 since this tends to increase anxiety and worry. Remember that children are especially affected by what they hear and see on television.
• Look to credible sources for information on the infectious disease outbreak (see page 3 for sources of reliable outbreak-related information).

Be Your Own Advocate

Speaking out about your needs is particularly important if you are in quarantine, since you may not be in a hospital or other facility where your basic needs are met. Ensure you have what you need to feel safe, secure, and comfortable.

• Work with local, state, or national health officials to find out how you can arrange for groceries and toiletries to be delivered to your home as needed.
• Inform health care providers or health authorities of any needed medications and work with them to ensure that you continue to receive those medications.

Educate Yourself

Health care providers and health authorities should provide information on the disease, its diagnosis, and treatment.

• Do not be afraid to ask questions—clear communication with a health care provider may help reduce any distress associated with social distancing, quarantine, or isolation.
• Ask for written information when available.
• Ask a family member or friend to obtain information in the event that you are unable to secure this information on your own.

Work with Your Employer to Reduce Financial Stress

If you’re unable to work during this time, you may experience stress related to your job status or financial situation.

• Provide your employer with a clear explanation of why you are away from work.
• Contact the U.S. Department of Labor toll-free at 1-866-487-2365 about the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA), which allows U.S. employees up to 12 weeks of unpaid leave for serious medical conditions, or to care for a family member with a serious medical condition.
• Contact your utility providers, cable and Internet provider, and other companies from whom you get monthly bills to explain your situation and request alternative bill payment arrangements as needed.

Connect with Others

Reaching out to people you trust is one of the best ways to reduce anxiety, depression, loneliness, and boredom during social distancing, quarantine, and isolation. You can:

• Use the telephone, email, text messaging, and social media to connect with friends, family, and others.
• Talk “face to face” with friends and loved ones using Skype or FaceTime.
• If approved by health authorities and your health care providers, arrange for your friends and loved ones to bring you newspapers, movies, and books.
• Sign up for emergency alerts via text or email to ensure you get updates as soon as they are available.
• Call SAMHSA’s free 24-hour Disaster Distress Helpline at 1-800-985-5990, if you feel lonely or need support.
• Use the Internet, radio, and television to keep up with local, national, and world events.
• If you need to connect with someone because of an ongoing alcohol or drug problem, consider calling your local Alcoholics Anonymous or Narcotics Anonymous offices.

Talk to your Doctor

If you are in a medical facility, you may have access to health care providers who can answer your questions. However, if you are quarantined
at home, and you’re worried about physical symptoms you or your loved ones may be experiencing, call your doctor or other health care provider:

• Ask your provider whether it would be possible to schedule remote appointments via Skype or FaceTime for mental health, substance use, or physical health needs.
• In the event that your doctor is unavailable and you are feeling stressed or are in crisis, call the hotline numbers listed at the end of this tip sheet for support.

Use Practical Ways to Cope and Relax

• Relax your body often by doing things that work for you-take deep breaths, stretch, meditate or pray, or engage in activities you enjoy.
• Pace yourself between stressful activities, and do something fun after a hard task.
• Talk about your experiences and feelings to loved ones and friends, if you find it helpful.
• Maintain a sense of hope and positive thinking; consider keeping a journal where you write down things you are grateful for or that are going well.

Stay Connected: Managing Stress in this Anxious Time

Helpful info from the Institute for Disaster Mental Health.
View the full resource here.

Stay Connected!

One of the things we know from research is that social support is very important to resilience and recovery during times of stress. The more isolated and alone we feel, the more likely it is that our mental health will be negatively affected. This is likely to be particularly true during this time of self-quarantining, isolation, and social distancing.

So, do what you can do to stay connected to your social support network of family, friends, and colleagues. Even staying in regular contact with a single person can be beneficial. Obviously we may need to connect in different ways than we’re used to doing, but it’s important to stay connected nevertheless. You don’t have to spend time talking about the stress of the current situation (although that can be helpful for people who feel the need to talk about it), but just be intentional about reaching out and making time to be together, in person or virtually.

Feelings and Thoughts: What to Expect

Helpful info from the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration.
View the full resource here.

Everyone reacts differently to stressful situations such as an infectious disease outbreak that requires social distancing, quarantine, or isolation.

People may feel anxiety, worry, or fear related to:

• Your own health status
• The health status of others whom you may have exposed to the disease
• The resentment that your friends and family may feel if they need to go into quarantine as a result of contact with you
• The experience of monitoring yourself, or being monitored by others for signs and symptoms of the disease
• Time taken off from work and the potential loss of income and job security
• The challenges of securing things you need, such as groceries and personal care items
• Concern about being able to effectively care for children or others in your care
• Uncertainty or frustration about how long you will need to remain in this situation, and uncertainty about the future
• Loneliness associated with feeling cut off from the world and from loved ones
• Anger if you think you were exposed to the disease because of others’ negligence
• Boredom and frustration because you may not be able to work or engage in regular day-to-day activities
• Uncertainty or ambivalence about the situation
• A desire to use alcohol or drugs to cope
• Symptoms of depression, such as feelings of hopelessness, changes in appetite, or sleeping too little or too much
• Symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), such as intrusive distressing memories, flashbacks (reliving the event), nightmares, changes in thoughts and mood, and being easily startled

If you or a loved one experience any of these reactions for 2 to 4 weeks or more, contact your health care provider or one of the resources at the end of this tip sheet.

Change What You Can: Managing Stress in this Anxious…

Helpful info from the Institute for Disaster Mental Health.
View the full resource here.

Change What You Can

Once you’ve identified your primary sources of stress, tackle the things you actually can alter. You may realize that you can reduce the impact of concerns in this category by implementing problem-focused coping strategies. That may involve a kind of second-level approach: You can’t control whether your kids are sent home from school for an extended period, for example, but you can control whether you have a plan to deal with childcare if that occurs.

So make that plan, and then make a backup plan for your original plan – and let it be okay if those plans are not perfect, because they won’t be. But in times of stress or rapid change it’s a lot easier to activate a pre-existing strategy than to develop one on the fly, so it’s worth some mental preparation to really think through potential demands in advance so you’re not caught unprepared when they suddenly arise.

You’ll probably find that simply having those plans in place gives you sense of control that reduces some anxiety about these particular concerns.

Name It and Tame It: Managing Stress in this…

Helpful info from the Institute for Disaster Mental Health.
View the full resource here.

Name It and Tame It

It may be helpful to pause for a moment and reflect on what you’re actually
concerned about: Are you worried that you’ll get sick yourself, or that a family member will? Or that you’ll be unable to keep working and earning money? Or that there will never again be an adequate supply of toilet paper in your local market? It’s likely that you’re worried about a combination of potential issues of varying levels of seriousness, and it’s easy for those concerns to get mashed up together into a single swirling cloud of anxiety and dread that feels impossible to handle.

In fact, there’s a lot you can do to take control of your stress. Start by breaking that cloud down into manageable parts by consciously thinking through these questions:

• Exactly what is worrying you right now? Write down a list to get your thoughts out of your head and to give them some structure.
• How likely it is that each of those threats really will impact you? You may realize that some worries are actually so unlikely that you can cross them off your list entirely, freeing up brain space to address the concerns you do need to take seriously.

Then break that list down further into categories of what you can control (at least partially) and what you can’t, and make plans for how you’ll deal with both types of concerns.